


Ribs

by cataclysmicconniption



Series: Unexpected Chemistry [14]
Category: DRAMAtical Murder
Genre: Bittersweet Ending, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-23
Updated: 2014-01-23
Packaged: 2018-01-09 17:41:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,245
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1148943
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cataclysmicconniption/pseuds/cataclysmicconniption
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Noiz dies.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Ribs

**Author's Note:**

> It’s better seeing both sides, isn’t it?

He feels miserable, completely empty.

-

"Really, Aoba, I'm fine."

"Koujaku..."

Koujaku smiles at his childhood friend as they sit on the grassy plains. It's been two months since Koujaku flew out of Midorijima to stay with Mink and Aoba. Aoba says it'll do him some good to not be around everything that reminds him of the memories, good and bad.

"There's so much fresh air here!" Aoba tells him over the Coil. "You can see the stars at night, and the people are very kind! You'll love it here, Koujaku!"

He really can see the stars better here; he spends every night watching them, wishing and wishing for everything to just... be the same.

Aoba gives him an uncertain smile. He looks pained and unsure of what to say as he gazes back out at the scenery. It's been a year since Noiz died, but Aoba still doesn't willingly bring it up. He doesn't mention his name or anything that would remind the older man of him. He just waits until Koujaku wants to talk about it on his own, which is surprisingly quite often.

But Aoba can see the change. He can feel it too.

"I wonder if the brat would've liked it out here," Koujaku says softly, as if speaking to no one. "He never was into the outdoors like that..."

"I don't know. Maybe. Come on," Aoba takes Koujaku's hand, ignoring how frail and feeble it feels in his own, and helps him up. "Mink's probably just finishing up dinner."

-

"His hair is redder than it was a few weeks ago, Mink. His hair is red and his tattoos seem to be spreading down his body."

"What could be the cause of it?"

"I don't know... I don't know. But I'm worried about Koujaku."

"..."

Koujaku tries to ignore the conversation, closing his eyes and rolling onto his side. He doesn't mean to eavesdrop but Aoba and Mink's voices carry down the hall in the silent house. It's the same conversation they have every night -- the same one they've been having since he came.

He's noticed too of course, the red in his hair. How it started at the tips and just slowly creeps its way up day by day. He doesn't know where the red is coming from or why it chooses to expand, but he leaves it there; it would be bothersome to cut it all off.

"..."

Koujaku sighs, suddenly frustrated. Unable to sleep, he gets out of bed and turns on the light. The guest room is spacious and neat, not a thing out of place even though Koujaku practically lives in it. He goes to the bedroom mirror and looks at himself closely.

The red is up past his ear, and Koujaku wonders if it'll be at his roots before the month is over. And his tattoos... Koujaku turns around and glances back. His tattoo is more vibrant than he can remember and much bigger too. It's all so annoying... and troublesome.

"Why?" Koujaku asks aloud as he flops back onto the bed. His head hurts and he suddenly feels irate. "Why is all of this happening? Haven't I suffered enough? Haven't I...?"

-

His heart aches. Aches, aches, aches.

-

Koujaku enjoys Aoba's company, but he secretly appreciates the times he spends with Mink. Unlike Aoba, the older man says nothing at all, just lets Koujaku bask in his thoughts when they go into the woods behind the house. Sometimes they hunting and sometimes they go fishing.

Today they just go for a walk.

Koujaku walks ahead, not so fast that he leaves Mink but fast enough to give enough distance between them both. Beni and Tori fly above them, landing on tree branch after tree branch. They reach an opening where the river flows and rest there.

"..."

Koujaku glances at Mink, who sits down on a nearby tree stump and lights his pipe in silence. Beni lands on his shoulder, ruffling his feathers. The water is soothing to his ears and eyes, but Koujaku can't fight down the uneasy feeling in his chest.

"Is something wrong?" Mink asks and Koujaku starts.

"A-ah... no, nothing's wrong," Koujaku says with a nervous laugh, running his hand through his hair. He looks away from Mink and at the thicket of trees down the river before looking back. "I had something on my mind but nothing serious."

"... Aoba's worried about you. As am I, of course."

"... You shouldn't worry about me. I'm fine... absolutely fine."

Guilt hangs onto Koujaku heavily then. He tries not to think about how much Aoba and Mink look after and give him that same sympathetic stare all the time. He tries not to think about his home in Midorijima or why he came here in the first place -- why he really came here.

When Koujaku looks back at the trees again, his eyes widen in shock. There's a person standing over there now -- when did they get there? -- watching him. Koujaku squints to see past the sun and suddenly feels ill when he gets a better glimpse at the stranger.

He'd know those clothes anywhere. He'd know that person anywhere.

"Noiz...?" Koujaku says softly, hesitantly. He takes a step closer, standing over the river. Beni tenses on his shoulder, claws digging through his kimono.

"Koujaku?"

Noiz turns and walks away, back into the woods.

"Noiz!"

Koujaku slips and falls into the river, dragged down by the water's pull. He struggles to swim upward, to breathe, before feeling Mink grab his shoulder and roughly pull him out. He tries to escape from Mink's grip, still searching for Noiz across the river.

"Noiz! NOIZ!"

There's no one there anymore, just the trees.

-

When Koujaku wakes, he's tucked so tightly in bed that he can't move.

He doesn't remember what happened or even making it back to Mink and Aoba's place, but he can hear them talking outside the bedroom door. Mink says something about Noiz and hallucinations and depression, and Aoba lets out a pained sob that strikes Koujaku with a feeling of deja vu.

Beni rests next to his head, nestled in his feathers.

-

Noiz starts to plague his dreams. In and out, in and out.

-

Koujaku doesn't leave his room for days. He doesn't sleep either.

Aoba brings him food and keeps him quiet company, but otherwise Koujaku just remains isolated. Beni watches him from the dresser until Koujaku opens the window to let him out and stretch his wings; they do this everyday without word or command.

His hair is completely red now and his tattoos have spread along his back. They itch and burn and prick him even, but Koujaku ignores it. They're nothing compared to the pain he's feeling now.

-

One night, Koujaku overhears Aoba and Mink making love and something inside him stirs unpleasantly. He suddenly feels enraged and embarrassed and nauseated. It hits him all at once that he doesn't belong here -- that he shouldn't be here. He's only a guest; and certainly Mink and Aoba have been holding out long enough for him but still, but still.

Koujaku rips the sheets off his body and paces the room, trying to block out the sounds. Beni is shut down on the dresser, at peace and unaware. Clenching his fists, Koujaku opens his suitcase and pilfers through it, tossing his clothes and belongings everywhere until he finds what he's looking for.

"..."

-

Koujaku is gone when Aoba comes to check on him later on that night. Nothing is out of place, not even Beni. The only thing noticeable is the unzipped suitcase.

-

Red is all Koujaku sees. Red, red, red... green. Black.

-

They find him at the river, all alone.

Koujaku sits on the ground, staring straight ahead. He holds Noiz's hat tightly in his grasp as if afraid to let it go. His kimono is tied loosely around him and his hair is down and wild. There's a glassy look in his eyes, a dead look too.

"Koujaku..."

Aoba approaches him slowly, uncertain. When Koujaku doesn't respond, Aoba sits next to him but keeps his distance. Mink watches quietly. They sit like that for a while, nobody saying anything.

"Koujaku --"

"He died in a car accident. A hit and run."

Koujaku speaks softly but his voice carries as if he shouting. Aoba doesn't know what to say.

"I was surprised at first, so much so that I didn't believe any of the Rhymers when they told me. But then I saw his body and... everything was a blur after that. I spoke to his family, you know. It was very odd. I think they were as shocked as I was..."

Koujaku chuckles a little, his breath hitching terribly.

"I kept his hat. It was the only thing salvageable. I know it's disgusting that I didn't wash but... it's all that I have left of him..."

"Koujaku..."

"How can I go back, Aoba? How can I go back to Midorijima? Back to our apartment? How can I go on when I know he's never coming back to me?"

Koujaku looks at Aoba, desperation clear in his eyes. His face is contorted in a rage and pain so powerful Aoba feels himself tearing up as the memories come flooding back.

"How can I sleep when he's there in my dreams calling out to me? How can I say he died peacefully... when he probably didn't even realize he was in pain? How can I say anything when I wasn't there until it was too late?"

The tears sting as they run down Koujaku's face non-stop. His heart aches and his mind is blank and all he wants to do is just stop time and not be. He glances at Mink and Aoba angrily then, jealously.

"I want to be angry and bitter, Aoba. I want revenge and justice. I want answers. But I won't get that. I won't ever know who hit Noiz and left him there to die. I won't get to see him again. I'll be surrounded by lovers everywhere and hear love but I won't receive it ever again. I won't see Noiz ever again because he's dead!"

Koujaku shouts loudly, sending the nearby crows in flight. Aoba gently places his hand over Koujaku's, but the older man yanks away, his eyes burning with fury and heartache.

"... I want to die. I want to give up."

"No!"

Aoba slaps Koujaku hard before he can stop himself. Koujaku looks at him in shock, his cheek reddening instantly. Aoba wipes his eyes, but the tears won't stop.

"You can't give up, Koujaku. Noiz wouldn't want that! He wants you to live and be happy and continue living until the end. And you aren't alone! You have me and Mink, Benishigure, Granny, and everyone else here to support you. So don't give up, you hippo!"

Koujaku gapes at Aoba, speechless. Then he snorts involuntarily and breaks into uncontrollable laughter. He can't stop himself no matter how much he wants to. He laughs and laughs until his sides hurt, tears spilling forth still. He thinks about Noiz and his smart-ass remarks and how much he changed Koujaku's life just like that. He thinks about Noiz's laugh and smile and about the things he and Noiz said and didn't say and what will never be said but how everything will still be all right in the end. He thinks about how he's going to spend the rest of his life without Noiz.

Koujaku's heart hurts so much that he wants to die, but with those thoughts and Aoba's words, he can't quit. It isn't until Aoba hugs him tightly that Koujaku breaks down in tears, crumbling completely.

-

Noiz visits him again that night.

...This will be the last time.

-

The red vanishes and his tattoos go back to what they were; it's almost like it never happened.

Koujaku doesn't question it and neither do Mink and Aoba. The days get shorter week after week, and eventually Koujaku decides he wants to go back to Midorijima. Aoba immediately asks why.

"I think I'm feeling much better now," Koujaku replies and he does. His heart feels much lighter and he feels more at ease, more prepared. "And besides, I've overstayed my welcome haven't I? I think Mink would like to have you... without an audience to listen."

-

By the end of the month, Koujaku is packed and ready to go.

"Call us when you get home," Aoba says imploringly, his face serious. "Call us before you go to bed and... call us whenever okay?"

"Yes, mom," Koujaku answers with a smile. He hugs Aoba tightly and gives Mink an appreciative bow before getting onto the plane. Butterflies fill his stomach and excitement tingles all over as Koujaku thinks about seeing Mizuki and Clear and the Benishigure again.

It won't be the same, but he'll embrace the difference day by day.

It's a painful start, but a start nonetheless.

-

Oi, old man.

... This will be the last time I visit you in your dreams.

I guess even spirits get so many chances huh?

I know you're probably so happy that I'm gone now... I don't want you to be sad.

Go on and flirt with those girls that come see you. Do whatever.

I'll be here waiting... not for you necessarily.

But talk to me anyway, like you always do.

You're brave but also stupid, so just let me... hear your voice.

So you won't be lonely.

... I love you, Koujaku.


End file.
